I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
