Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
