But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
