She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
