So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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