so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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