I am spending my child support on dildos
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
