i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
