i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
