You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i permit you to call me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My ass is underappreciated
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
