So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
