somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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