You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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