I'm going to rape someone's good day.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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