Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
