My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
