I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
and you fell through a lawn chair
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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