In the future we'll all be gay
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
