I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
