Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
