I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
