I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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