All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
