even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
