She said her name was "party"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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