I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
