32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
