just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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