I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
