Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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