It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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