His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
