there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
