dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
false alarm, still single
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