Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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