Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
