I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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