i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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