I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
