When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
