I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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