Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
