So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
