so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
