Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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