Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
