1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Randomize
