I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
