In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
