You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
