I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
