There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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