You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
