The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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